


Will to Survive

by BlindBird



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Blood Magic, Dogs, F/M, Flashbacks, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Mabari rock, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Torture, Puppy loves, Rape/Non-con Elements, Revenge, Slow Build, Slow Burn, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:07:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24881296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlindBird/pseuds/BlindBird
Summary: The each believe their family dead. Together since birth, they are separated when a family friend destroys their home. Aedan escapes making his way to Ostagar to become a Grey Warden. He swears vengeance upon Rendon Howe.Alissa is captured by Howe, where she is brought to Denerim. Kept captive and made to believe she is the last Cousland, she held out as long as she could. She now wishes to walk at the Maker’s side.In her darkest moment, she has decided she can take no more, a timely rescue could change her fate.Aedan must come to grips with his own guilt to help his sister heal, as she accepts what has happened and learn who is she now.**The first few chapters have been reworked to provide better clarity, flow, and description.**
Relationships: Alistair/Female Cousland (Dragon Age), Female Cousland/Teagan Guerrin, Male Cousland/Leliana (Dragon Age)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all!!  
> I have reworked the first three chapters so that they fit the story better. I have also found a lovely lady who is helping me as well. So big shout to you lovely lady! She is also helping beta the chapters and fine tuning my ideas!   
> So I hope you all enjoy this new version. Feel free to drop me a line, I'd love to hear from you. Updates are on Wednesday every week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies!! As promised here are the new versions of the first few chapters! I believe it flows a lot better, also more descriptive. I also cleared out the inconsistencies with later chapters as well. Hope you enjoy this new version!

_If she was a mage they could probably consider her a tranquil. She hadn’t felt anything in a long time. There was nothing left for her to hope for, her family was dead, she was alone. There was nothing left to fear; death would be a blessing to her now. She remembered when Howe had attacked her family’s home._   
_She had been walking the grounds with Ser Gilmore, as they did most nights, and he had been so excited that there was a Grey Warden at the castle and that he had been tested to join their ranks. She was happy for him because to her, being a Grey Warden was a great honor. But it didn’t last long and as they made their way back, the attack had begun._   
_Ser Gilmore had tried to keep her back- to protect her- but when she saw the heraldry of the Howe’s, she let out a vicious growl and ran for the family quarters- unprepared for what she found waiting there. Oriana and Oren were lying on the floor of their room, both dead. She could not understand how anyone could murder an innocent child, but when she turned to leave, she found that they were surrounded. She drew her daggers and ran at them, Ser Gilmore and Duellona, her faithful mabari, right behind her. The three of them dispatched the enemy soldiers quickly._   
_Alissa turned to Gilmore, “They’re killing everyone! Grab the soldiers you can find. Have them protect and get the Innocents out of here, do what you can to keep more of Howe's men from getting in.” She looked around her quickly. “I need to find my family, see if they are safe.” Alissa pulled Ser Gilmore to her, hugging him tightly, then placing a gentle kiss to his lips._   
_“Be safe, I love you.” Ser Gilmore whispered to her gently._   
_“I will. As soon as I find them, I’ll come for you. I love you too, be careful.” She whispered back._   
_They turned and began walking back through the castle, both were silent not wanting to give away their location, both afraid they would never see the other again. As they came up on their separate paths, the grabbed each other’s hands and have a final reassuring squeeze and let go._   
_Alissa looked back one last time, a tight smile on her face and tears in her eyes. Then she turned and hurried down the hall, making her way to the family vaults. She stayed against the walls using the night and shadows to hide her, striking enemy soldiers as she came across them. Duellona at her side. As she reached the hall of the vault she looked around the corner and saw no one. Keeping her daggers drawn she began walking down the hall. She hadn’t almost reached the door when she heard Duellona growl. She quickly turned around and realized she’d been trapped._   
_‘If they want to kill me, then I’ll take down as many of them as I can.‘_   
_It was not that simple, however, as she was only able to take down three of Howe’s men before she felt the sword sliding into her stomach. She shouted out in surprise, her legs giving out as her vision faded. She felt her daggers fall from her hands and a familiar sounding scream before blackness claimed her._

* * *

  
_Alissa began waking as she felt hands pulling her up. Her abdomen ached, her vision swam, and she knew that of it wasn’t for the men holding her up, she would have fallen right back down. She turned to look at the men, seeing they were Amaranthine heraldry she began to struggle._   
_“Take her to Howe, he wants this one alive.” one of the men had drawled._   
_The other men did as instructed and dragged her down to the larder. When the reached their destination, her devastation and her anger grew, tears running down her face at the sight of her parents’ lying on the floor, her father’s lifeless eyes staring ahead. Her mother’s eyes widening at the sight of her._   
_Howe stepped up to her, “So much like your mother, you resemble her when she was your age. It should have been me to claim her, I saw you first.” He looked directly at Eleanor, the lust clear in his eyes. “Now I have you both. But only need one.” Quickly he pulled his out of its sheath and drove it into her mother’s chest._   
_Alissa began screaming, trying to pull away to go to them, but her struggling came to a quick end as she felt a sharp pain against the side on her head. Before the darkness overtook her, she heard Howe say, “The rest are dead, find the eldest Fergus. He left for Ostagar earlier.”_

* * *

_A couple of weeks went by before Howe came to her cell with a smug smile on his face. He came often, sometimes alone, but often with a couple of his most trusted guards. He liked to watch just as much as he liked to torture and humiliate her himself. Today he came into her cell alone. Alissa sneered at him, “What do you want?”_   
_“I have a surprise for you,” he’d said. “But first let’s see how that leg is doing.” Howe reached out and grabbed the ankle of her broken left leg and pulled her across the room. Alissa screamed out as agony ripped through her. She knew she had blacked out because she came to again when Howe kicked her in the stomach._   
_Howe leaned down and grabbed a handful of her; pulling her up to face him. “I can’t wait for you to see, you must be lonely here by yourself.”_   
_Alissa spit in his face, her right hand making a fist as it moved upwards to hit Howe in the throat. He let go of her hair as he clutched his throat, try to get air in his lungs. Alissa took advantage of his distraction, using her good leg to sweep out and kicking him in the head._   
_He was more prepared for her attack than she thought, as he grabbed her ankle with his left hand. “You’ll pay for that you little bitch.” Howe rasped as held her leg at climbed to his knees. He pulled her towards him, her broken leg screaming at the movement, specks of light dancing in her eyes._   
_He towered over her, and before she knew what was happening, Howe had slapped her across the face. Once, twice, the third time with such force she felt her head bounce of the floor. Howe stood up abruptly taking a hold of one of her arms and dragging her into another cell. He lifted her roughly up till her weight was in her good leg. He then grabbed both or arms and chained her hands above her head._   
_When he was done her feet barely touched the ground. She was facing the opposite side from the door, Howe standing behind her. “Don’t worry you still get your surprise,” he spoke in her ear. “I brought you your brother.” As he said the last he turned her around, Fergus's head sitting on a stand beside the door._   
_Alissa screamed, fighting against her bonds. “I’ll kill you! You bastard! I’ll kill you!” She screamed at him. Howe laughed as he walked to the door. He looked back at her one more time, an evil pleased smile on his face as he laughed at her._

* * *

Alissa tried to shake the memories from her mind. For almost a year she had been trapped here. She looked at her battered body, her eyes following the lines from the whip, the way they traced along her arms to her torso, some larger while others wisp thin. She felt mutilated and broken.   
She couldn’t don’t anymore. She had tried to endure, to stay alive, tried to believe that she would be rescued. But she knew it wouldn’t happen. She no longer cared. She would die here, force their hand if she had to, but by the will of the Maker she would endure no more.   
Alissa grabbed her makeshift knife, she had managed to keep it hidden somehow. It was small, only a little longer than the length of her hand. She could hear Howe in the outer room, along with his damn blood mage. She waited; she knew she wouldn’t win. She just wanted release. To walk at the Maker’s side and be with her family again. To be with Gilmore.   
She waited by the door to her cell. Alissa knew it wouldn’t be long before someone came to fetch her, but she hoped she had enough time. She drew the blade down the forearm of her right arm and then did the same to her left. As she sat back against the wall already feeling dizzy when Howe came through the door.  
“You stupid bitch!” He yelled when he saw her. Howe started to call for the mage when the outer door burst open. He ran from the room.   
Alissa didn’t hear the door burst open. She no longer saw the room around her. As the world around her faded, she could almost feel her parents calling to her and welcoming her home. Her eyes closed, her last thought as she descended into darkness was that she could hear her brothers voice.   
“For my family! For the Couslands!” 


	2. Chapter 2

Aedan Cousland and his companion made their way through the Denerim estate dungeon. They were all silent, the horrors of what they’d seen disturbing them all. The Warden and his companions had seen all kinds of horrible things in their travels, but seeing what had been happening here turned all their stomachs.   
‘How had Howe kept such a secret from his father all these years? How had no one in his family realized what a monster he was?’ Aedan was disgusted, he knew some of the people who had been down here. He and Oswyn had hung out together when they had to come with their parents to Denerim.   
Then they had found Riordan and the Grey Warden documents. Wardens had been tortured and killed for Howe’s pleasure, his fellow brothers and sisters he never had the chance of meeting. Aedan was done, ready to get out of this hellish place, ready to avenge his family.   
“Are you alright?” Leliana asked for beside him.   
“No, but I’ll be better after that bastard is dead.” His blue eyes were cold, vengeance shining through. Only Leliana could see the agony behind them.   
“Then let us go.” She said as she readied her bow. They had approached the only room yet unchecked.   
“Morrigan, open the door.”  
Morrigan sent a fireball, the door blowing into the room.  
“For my family! For the Couslands!” Aedan shouted as he charged into the room.   
Wynne and Morrigan stayed in the back, Wynne healing and sending the occasional bolt when needed, as Morrigan threw hexes and fire at any she saw. Alistair went after the mage smiting when his mana would start to restore. He was never able to cast a spell before Alistair’s sword was through his gut. Leliana alternated between her bow and daggers as she danced around the room.   
Aedan had eyes only for Howe. Not yet trying to kill him, but wanting him to suffer first. He swiped out with his daggers making shallow cuts, deep enough for blood to flow, but not enough to do too much damage. Before long it was just the two of them. Aedan’s companions stood back, letting him have his revenge. Howe ran at him, Aedan stood there. He stepped to the side as Howe swung his blade down. Howe didn’t see the Warden’s dagger until he felt it pierce him in the back first, then one in his chest.   
Aedan yanked out his daggers and watched as Howe slid to the floor.   
“I deserved more,” he sputtered, looking at Aedan with disgust.   
Aedan knelt down before him, “You deserve nothing! You strived for something beyond you and took what didn’t belong to you. And now you will pay for what you have done.” Aedan waved his daggers in front of Howe’s weasel like face. “My sisters daggers. A fitting end to be killed with your own victims weapon isn’t it. This is for her, my parents, and all the innocents slayed because of your greed.” With that he slid Alissa’s dagger across Howe’s throat.   
Leliana went over to him and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. She knew it was the only thing she could do at the moment. He looked at her the grief shone clearly on his face before he put his mask back on. She often wondered what he was like before, before his family was murdered and he became a Grey Warden. His demeanor was hard, and he kept most things inside.   
“Over here. There’s a woman here. Her wrists have been slit, but she still has a pulse. Wynne, hurry.” Alistair’s voice was urgent.   
Wynne was there instantly, her hand glowing blue as she examined her. The cuts on her arms beginning to seal.  
“Dear Maker.” Leliana all but whimpered when she saw the woman lying on the floor of her cell. She was wearing only her small clothes. There didn’t seem to be a spot on her body that was not bruised, or some mark. Leliana could see teeth marks, and what looked to be scars from a blade. Lash marks seemed to be wrapped around her torso, some old, others very new. Even her face was bruised, her lip split, and the right side of her face was swollen.   
She wasn’t sure how long she stood staring at the broken woman on the floor, before Wynne called out to her. “Leliana give me your cloak.” Only then did she realize that her arms her mostly healed, long jagged puckered scars showing instead. She grabbed her cloak from her bag and handed it to Wynne.   
“I’ve done what I can for now, but we must get back to the estate. She has lost a lot of blood and the damage done to her body is extensive. I need more time, time that we don’t have right now.”  
The woman on the floor began to moan, she tried to move. Alistair’s hand was on hers, “Try not to move, you are seriously injured.”   
“Aedan.” She spoke so softly she was almost not heard.   
Leliana looked over and saw Aedan across the room. His arms were crossed and he was leaning against the wall. “Do you know her? She is calling your name.” She couldn’t help as jealousy sprang up within her. Had he been with someone before all this happened? She didn’t know.   
Aedan walked across the room stopping at the doorway of the cell. Looking at Leliana he said, “I doubt it. I didn’t co..,” the words died in his throat when he recognized the woman on the floor. He dropped to the floor as a feral roar tore from his throat, startling everyone else in the room. “Ali, oh dear Maker, what did that bastard do to you?”  
“Ali, do you mean to say this is your sister?” Alistair asked. Aedan looked at him, seeing Alistair close to her his hand in hers.   
“Get away from her!" He screamed as he pushed Alistair away. He was at her side, “You’re alive, oh you’re alive.” Tears streamed down his face.  
Wynne spoke up, her voice gentle. “We need to leave. Her condition is very serious.”  
Aedan could only nod. He picked her up and without a word he turned and walked out. The others following him. No one said a word as they walked to where the queen was being held.   
Anora walked out, dressed as a guard. When she saw the woman in Aedan’s arms, surprise and fear flashed briefly in her eyes.   
“We must hurry.” She said. “Before anyone realizes I’ve gotten away.” She started to walk around the corner when she noticed the prone figure in the Wardens arms. “Who is this?”  
“Treacherous witch.” Aedan was barely able to make out the words from Alissa’s low raspy voice. “Murderess, husband killer.” Alissa said steadier, a little louder, though she sounded faint.   
“What did she say?” Queen Anora’s handmaiden strode forward, her face flushed with anger.   
“Back away.” Aedan ordered. His tone stopping Erlina in her tracks. “If anyone lays a hand on her, I will kill you where you stand.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone is enjoying the story so far. I would like to thank you for staying with me so far, and I hope you all are excited for the story to come.   
> I look forward to continuing and hope this is the first of many stories that are rattling around in my head.  
> Have a great day lovelies!

Everyone stood still as if the air had left the room. Erlina cowered back at his words, but Aedan saw the anger in her eyes- directed towards him.   
“I have no idea what it is that she could be talking about. Howe has been keeping me here at my father’s request. Against my will might I add; in case you have forgotten about the forcefield around my door. There was no plot to kill my husband, this woman must be delusional.” Anora stated angrily. “I will not stand here and listen while some unknown woman accuses me of treason. Do you even know who this woman is?”   
“She is Alissa Cousland, the rightful Teryna of Highever, as no one has had any word of what has happened to our brother Fergus. She will have the respect that station demands. If she wishes to speak she will be heard.”Aedan spat at her. He turned, looking down at his sister. He was going to ask her to explain, but then he saw she had passed out again- her skin beginning to look extremely pale.   
Wynne was at her side, trying to get her to drink something. “We must leave. I must tend to her injuries. What I have done is just temporary.” She looked up at Aedan, her eyes telling him; otherwise they may never know the truth. She needed help now or she could still die.   
“Very well. We will sort this out when we get back to Eamon.”  
“Thank you Warden. I am sure once she has recovered, she will have forgotten all this nonsense.” Anora stated, though now that Aedan knew to listen he could hear some uncertainty in her words. Aedan turned, without another word, picked up Alissa, and headed toward the exit.   
They stepped into the entrance only to find that the room was surrounded with guards. Aedan looked around trying to find a way out, but there would be no escape. Ser Cauthrien syepped forward , looking Aedan in the eyes.   
“Surrender Warden, and we will let your companions go.” Aedan looked over at his sister, his eyes softening for a moment, knowing he could not risk her- not when he just got her back. “Sten take Wynne, Leliana, and our new guest back to Eamon’s estate. Alistair and I will go with Cauthrien. Make sure she is safe. Wynne please look after her. I am sure Arl Eamon will help you with with anything you may need.”  
Sten nodded as he took Alissa from Aedan’s arms. “It will be as you say Kadan.” Aedan looked down at his sister one more time, a wave of happiness flowing through him. He had never thought he would see her again. And through the quilt he felt hope at having family again.   
“Alistair and I will come with you, but do not think to deceive us. You will live only long enough to regret it.” Aedan all but ground out.   
“You have my word Warden.” Cauthrien asserted.   
As the others turned to leave, Alistair and Aedan waited until they were safely out of sight before dropping their weapons to the floor.   
Alistair sighed, “Well this isn’t the worst outcome I could have thought of. We could be mabari treats.”   
“Not now Alistair. Let us go then, apparently Fort Drakon awaits. But know this Ser Cauthrien: if anything happens to my sister, there will be nowhere you can hide.”   
Though Aedan’s voice was calm, the undertone was unmistakable. They were both led out in irons and led out of what used to be Howe’s estate, if only for a short time.

* * *

  
Sten and the others arrived at Eamon's estate confused, angry, and humiliated- their two most important party members now in enemy hands. As soon as they walked through the door, Wynne had ordered the servants to show them to a spare room and had Sten follow behind- carrying a still unconscious Alissa.   
He laid her on the bed, and turned to walk out the door. “I will stand guard outside.”   
The door began to close behind him as Leliana slipped in carrying a basket of medicines, gauze, and wraps. As she brought the supplies to the bed, Leliana could not help but stare at the new guest.   
This had been a total surprise to everyone, most of all Aedan. He had thought her dead along with the rest of his family, slaughtered in their ancestral home by his father's best friend. They had never heard any word on his elder brother, Fergus, and had assumed he never made it out of Ostagar. Whether that was because of the darkspawn or Howe they would probably never know. What did Alissa believe? She had been there when Howe’s forces had raided their home, but what had Howe told her about her brother? Did she think him dead as well? Leliana wondered if she had even realized that it was her brother who had saved her, given the state they had found her in.  
Leliana and Wynne worked side by side without talking much; Wynne was focusing on the internal injuries, mumbling to herself as she worked. Leliana focused on the visible, cleaning and bandaging as she went. She glanced up when Wynne shivered, noticing a lyrium flask in her hand. The healer met her gaze and a passionate understanding flowed between them.   
“Some damage is old, almost a year. Some of her wounds were granted healing, but never enough to for them to completely heal and there are some that didn't heal correctly.” Wynne looked down, eyeing Alissa compassionately. “It was done with purpose I believe, meant to keep her from fully healing and gaining strength but enough to keep her alive. She is malnourished and dehydrated... it's amazing that she was able to withstand this degree of abuse and torture for as long as she has. She will need to rest quite a bit to regain her strength and health.”  
A knock came at the door and Zevran peeked into the room. “I have to steal our beautiful redhead if I may”, he asked, looking at both Wynne and Leliana. “We’ve thought of a way to bring our wardens back in one piece! And we need your valuable assistance, my lovely lay sister.” He winked at Leli.   
“Go ahead, I’ll finish here. Please ask for a servant on your way.” Wynne acknowledged, gesturing for Leliana to go.  
Leliana nodded and followed Zevran out the door.


	4. Chapter 4

Aedan wasn’t sure what he was feeling at the moment. Rage, confusion, and guilt all swirled together, forming a storm of emotion from within. How could he have left her behind? Running away to save himself as his parents gave their own lives for his. Leaving his sister, his twin behind. He remembered that night like it was yesterday; he would always remember.   
_The screams, fire, and death destroying what he once loved. He had seen her outside the family vault, heard her cry out as the sword went through her. The look of surprise and denial on her face as she went down. He’d let out a cry of rage, knocking his bow without realizing it till he’d loosed the arrow and it sailed right into the enemy soldier's throat._

_Her favorite dagger had fallen from her hand when she fell, sliding toward him. Her mabari, Duellona, howling at her side. He knelt and picked up the dagger, a gift from Father two namedays ago. He stared at it, barely registering his mother’s tearful voice calling out to him. It wasn't until he felt her hand on his arm that he snapped out of it, reality crashing back down on him like the Makers fist._  
 _“We have to go! She’s not, she’s...”, Eleanor trailed off, not able to finish as looked at the body of her daughter. Tears ran down her cheeks as she pulled on him to go. Aedan grabbed her and pulled her to him in a fierce embrace._  
 _“They will pay. I will destroy them all for what they have brought down upon us. I promise you, Mother,” He whispered to her. Then just as suddenly, he pulled away and cleared his throat as they began to walk toward the hall. He whistled for Mars, his own Mabari- his mind on revenge and his soul broken._  
 _Aedan and his mother headed toward the hall while Duellona tore at every enemy she saw. His mother peppered arrows as they went and when they reached the hall, they met Ser Gilmore and learned that his father had gone to the larder. They left Ser Gilmore and his men, knowing what would happen regardless of what they or anyone else did. Duellona would not come, however, and stayed with Ser Gilmore as though she already knew that the man her mistress loved would fall as well before the night was over._  
 _When they made it to the larder, they saw his father laying on ground with a wound so much like Alissa’s that Aedan couldn’t help but picture her in his mind. He was so lost within his own thoughts that he hadn't even noticed when the Grey Warden Commander Duncan came into the room. He did not notice when his parents decided that they would stay behind and sacrifice themselves so that he could escape. And he did not realize that he himself had agreed to become a Warden. It was only when Commander Duncan had grabbed him and pushed him towards the secret door that he realized what was happening. But it was too late and Duncan pushed him through the tunnel with Mars on their heels as Aedan looked back at his parents disappearing from his sight_. 

* * *

  
Alistair sat silently beside Aedan. They hadn’t spoken since they had left the estate. He knew there was much on his fellow Warden's mind. Aedan’s sister was alive, though barely, and he could only imagine what he was going through.   
“I'm here if you need to talk or anything.”   
Aedan looked at him. “I left her there alone. She was taken because of me. I- we- thought she was dead. Even her hound. Mother said-” Aedan’s voice trailed off as the sound of armor approached.   
A mother and two lay sisters walked around the corner a few seconds later, a soldier following behind.   
“As you can see revered mother, the prisoners are here and have not been harmed. They will face trial and then they will be executed for everyone to see.” The soldier told them.   
Faster than Alistair could see, Leliana had her dagger out and had slit the man's throat. She helped to lay him down so he didn’t make too much noise as he fell.   
‘Once a bard, always a bard,’ Alistair thought. ‘I still don’t want to get on her bad side.’  
Leliana quickly grabbed the keys and unlocked the cell.   
“How is-” Aedan started to asked, but Leliana interrupted.   
“Wynne had just finished as we were leaving. She healed her as best as she could, but she’s been seriously injured. She needs rest and food to heal. We can talk more once we get out of here.”  
They left without another word and were able to find Alistair and Aedan’s gear in an armory chest not far from their cell. They were almost to the exit when they heard voices coming down the hallway and slipped into an empty room next to them, barely getting the door shut as the voices rounded the corner. Leliana waited by the door, listening to the voices that seemed to linger by the door. Alistair looked through the desk, trying to hide his anxious nervousness, and he let out a hiss as his eye was drawn to some missives on the desk. He quickly rolled them up and shoved them into his armor.   
After a few moments, the voices seemed to disappear and Leli gave the all clear. They left as quickly as they could, and once out of sight of the doors Alistair exclaimed, “They’ve been keeping the Wardens out of Ferelden’s borders, but I know of a way to get them in and get us some reinforcements. Let's get back to Eamon and figure out a plan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all are enjoying so far! Wednesday will be posting day. Hope everyone has a great week! Til next time lovelies!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Wednesday yall! Here we are at chapter 5!! I'm really happy with the way this chapter came out. And the next one is looking pretty good too. I hope yall are enjoying what I've written so far.  
> Here you go my lovelies!

_Alissa wasn’t sure how long she had been there- her arms chained above her head, her toes barely touching the ground- but she ached everywhere. The ends of her once waist length hair dangling in front of her emerald eyes. There was no light within her cell or the room outside and the only time she was exposed to any sort of light was when she wasn’t alone. But Alissa preferred the darkness, so it didn’t really bother her._   
_Her cell was a small one, enough space to have her chained in the center with only a couple feet around her. That was part of their fun, she supposed, chaining her up and leaving her alone in the dark to listen to the screams of the other prisoners- men and women whom she had no doubt had done nothing more than get in Howe’s way. She would hear the pain, the desperate pleas for mercy- but there was no mercy to be found here and Alissa believed that even Andraste would have turned from the evil held within the cold stone walls of the prison._   
_She was beginning to believe that it was no longer worth it to keep fighting and that they had partially managed to achieve their goals. Howe had his underlings starve her and keep water from her in an attempt to break her. But that didn’t include the torture he put her through and even when she could not be touched physically, he would use his mage to reach into her mind and continue her torment._   
_Loghain wanted her dead and Howe wanted her broken. Howe- who she had always thought of as an uncle, as FAMILY- had betrayed them, had slaughtered her family, her nan, the man she had loved. Upon being imprisoned, Alissa vowed that she would not think of him- of them. Not here, lost in the darkness where she knew she was so very alone. No matter the comfort and solace their memory would bring, she would not bring them into her darkness._   
_Alissa’s head snapped up when she heard the lock in the door just before it opened. A guard walked in first, a torch in his hand as he went straight to the sconce on the wall. Her eyes shied away from the brightness, blinking several times as they tried to adjust. The guard left just as quickly as he entered, Howe standing in the doorway with a satisfied smirk on his face. He tilted his head and stepped forward into the cell._   
_“After all this time and there is still that spark within you. You think you won’t break, that there is still some hope for you to get out of here. You are wrong of course, as you always have been. Today I will show you just how wrong you are.”_   
_As he spoke, he walked around her until he was back at the door. He stood off to the side and motioned for someone outside the room._   
_A man was thrown into the cell at her feet. He was unarmed, but wearing a strong metal armor. Howe reached down and grabbed the man by his hair, yanking his head up. His whole face was bruised, one eye swollen shut, the emerald of his other eye mirroring her own. Alissa’s face registered the shock not even trying to hide it._   
_Before she could even say a word there was a glint of silver._   
_“And now you’re all alone, the last cursed Cousland.” Howe growled before sliding his dagger across Aedan’s throat._

* * *

Leliana led Aedan and Alistair through the streets of Denerim and as they rounded a corner into one of the alleys, Zevran appeared out of the shadows to join them. The companions nodded at their new arrival, but no words were spoken on the way back to Eamon’s estate. Loghain’s and Howe’s spies were sure to have been set all over the city, and no one wanted to let slip that the Wardens had escaped Fort Drakon.   
It was not until they were safely back in the estate, shown to Eamon’s study, that Aedan spoke.   
“How is my sister?” he asked worry clearly marring his words. He looked straight at Eamon.  
“She is stable. Your healer seems to have taken care of everything. She has said that there is quite a few internal injuries and an infection has set in that she is trying to fight as well. I am sorry,” Eaman placed his hand on Aedan’s shoulder. “If there is anything that you need, just ask. It will be taken care of.” Eamon looked from Aedan to the rest of his present companions. “Come now, it has grown late. I have had rooms readied for you and I am sure that Anora has quite the tale to weave for us tomorrow. Remember to keep your wits about you when we talk with her; she will try to gauge what we know and how to use the situation to get what she wants. For all we know, she could be spying on us for her father.” He looked them all over before heading to the door, but Aedan spoke before he could open it.   
“Do you know of or have you heard anything of Anora attempting to have Cailan killed? Alissa said something about it when we found her, before she lost consciousness.”  
“Not that I have heard, but I wouldn’t put it past her. Anora has always been devious. We'll have to see if there is any evidence to be found,” Eamon said thoughtfully. “We’ll talk to her tomorrow and watch how she acts. For now, do not mention it.”  
Everyone nodded and headed towards their rooms. A lot had happened in one day and they all needed time to rest. Aedan walked down the hall, spotting Sten standing guard outside of a door. He nodded towards him and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Find your rest, I'll stay with her the rest of the night.”  
“As you say, Aedan. Be well,” Sten replied as he walked towards his own bed.   
Aedan quietly opened the door, holding his hand against the frame for a moment as he shut it before taking a deep breath and turning back towards his sister. The room was warm as the fire in the hearth burned brightly. He noticed Wynne had fallen asleep on the couch in front of the fireplace and that even in sleep she looked tired. His eyes roamed the room before settling on the occupant in the bed.   
She looked so small laying in there, her once radiantly rosy cheeks now sallow and gaunt. Her face seemed to be one big bruise and one of her eyes had swollen shut. She was his sister, his twin, and yet he could barely recognize her. The long hair that their mother had loved so much was now gone, having been chopped off- seemingly by a dagger in rigid, uneven cuts.   
Alissa took after their mother more than even Eleanor would have liked to admit and while Alissa did like nice dresses, a lot of what she did was to appease their mother. Knowing that her daughter at least tried was probably why she did not put up much of a fight when Alissa said she would learn to fight. Their mother had simply shrugged and said, “She is Ferelden, we must do our duty.”   
Aedan pulled a chair up beside Alissa’s bed, sat down and took hold of her hand. “I am so sorry pup..! I thought you ... Mother said… I am so sorry..! I shouldn’t have left..! I thought you were dead... How could I have left you behind, what kind of brother am I..?!” He cried to the Maker of his betrayal, his guilt of leaving her behind- leaving her for Howe to take.   
He vented all his anger, sorrow, and vengeance for his losses and what he had endured, begging for Alissa to forgive him. She was all he had left of his family and he still had no word of Fergus- fearing that they never would. He cried for what he had lost and the future that would never happen. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning lovelies! Hope everyone is having a great week. I have some awesome news! I have found a lovely beta and she has also been great about running my ideas with her.  
> So heads up I am currently working on doing some editing to the first couple chapters to give this story better flow and fixing some things. I believe I'll have those ready soon. I will post those as soon as they are ready. It won't take place of any chapter updates so no worries about that.  
> I hope yall are enjoying the story so far. I would love to hear from you.  
> Have a great week and I'll see yall next week! Bye lovelies!

Aedan woke with a start, a piercing scream ripping through the room. He drew his dagger before realizing the scream was coming from Alissa. She was thrashing around in the bed, her face wet with tears, sobs beginning to replace her heart wrenching screams. She was saying something but he couldn’t make out what it was she was trying to say. 

He sat down on the bed and pulled her into his arms. She fought against him. He began to whisper, “Ssh pup. You’re safe now. I’m here. You’re safe.” Aedan repeated over and over as Alissa shook in his arms and cried in his arms. He just rocked her holding her tight against him as his own tears fell. 

“Aedan…,” Alissa whispered, the doggy haze of her dreams fading as she struggled to wake completely. “Is it really you? Kit?” 

Aedan could barely hear her, the words so softly spoken. He pulled back enough to let her look up at him. “I’m here, pup. I’m real. I’m real. I am so sorry for what happened. But I’m never going to let it happen again, I swear to you.” Aedan promised her, his parents, and the Maker. 

Wynne was beside him then, letting him have a moment before she intervened. He sensed the spell as Wynne cast it and watched the blue healing light wash over his twin. 

“She needs rest. She is malnourished and dehydrated. I will send for some broth and water. I want to clean up a bit and I’ll be back. Before I go, I would like to see how you are healing.” Wynne looked at Alissa as she finished. “Give me a moment please, Aedan. There is a basin of water on the dresser over there, get yourself cleaned up a bit.”

Aedan turned towards the basin and poured some water from the urn into it. He could hear Wynne asking questions gently. He looked over to see her lay Alissa back down and pull the covers back up. He grasped the cloth tightly, his anger and guilt warring as he looked at his sister. She was just skin and bones. 

He looked away quickly, shame covering his features. He thought about all she had endured in Howe’s custody. What had he done to her? He eyes once such a vibrant green, looked, almost lifeless. Lost. ‘My fault. I left her there.’ The thoughts repeating in his head, almost like a mantra. ‘My fault. My fault. My fault.’

He shook his head and went back to the bed and sat beside Alissa. He took one of her hands in his. Her hands small and fragile in his. He noticed her broken fingers- some had healed crooked and a couple were missing fingernails- were on her bow hand. She would never be able to fire a bow again.

He had forgotten about Wynne until she placed a hand on his shoulder. 

“I shall take my leave now. Some food shall be sent up for you both, make sure your sister eats some broth. Only broth for now, until she has gotten used to some food again. I’ll be back shortly,” She said softly, then headed to the door closing it quietly behind her. 

XVXVXVXV

The two twins sat there silently, just taking each other in- looking for something, yet neither knew what. Their time apart had marked them, changed them, and they knew things would never go back to the way things were. They used to not need words, they could hear each other without saying anything. That seemed like a lifetime ago. 

The sharp knock on the door startled them both out of their thoughts. At his call, an elven serving girl came in carrying a tray full of food. “Please put the tray on the dresser, I’ll take care of the rest. Thank you,” Aedan asked, pointing to the one closest to the bed. A strand of blonde hair fell in her face and the girl nodded. 

“As you say, milord. Do you need anything else?” the servant asked, as she placed the tray down and turned to him. 

The Warden shook his head. “That’ll be all. We’ll call if we need anything. Thank you.”

The elf nodded and left. Aedan stayed where he was the silence descending on them again. It was almost deafening, almost as if the silence itself was screaming. After a moment, Aedan couldn’t take it anymore.

He sighed and looked down at his sister then away again. “Would you like some broth?” Without waiting for a reply, he got up and went to the sideboard. He grabbed one of the bowls and filled it with the dark, earthy scented broth. He snatched a piece of sausage and shoved it in his mouth, then his eyes spotted a couple pieces of bread. Grabbing them along with a spoon, he turned back towards his sister. 

She had sat up, her arms laying in her lap and her head down. Aedan handed her the bowl and noticed her hands shaking. Quickly he grabbed the bowl back. Taking the spoon he began feeding her, letting her swallow, which seemed to be difficult her throat swollen with a motley color of bruises. 

“Tell me…what…happened…to you.” Her voice was hoarse and raw, and Aedan could tell it hurt her just to say that. “Please.” 

He told her of his flight from their home, his journey to Ostagar- speaking of the battle and the death of Duncan. He mentioned everything, all but what he was sworn to secrecy s some oaths could not be forsworn. Next, he spoke of Leliana, his voice full of love and respect. He told her of how he fell in love with out even realizing it. He talked about how they met, how she helped him mourn for his family, how she helped him come to terms with their deaths, of her helping him to move on and regain himself.

“Except…that I…didn’t die. You left me…to him!” Alissa tried to scream at him, the sound coming out rough and broken. But the anger in her eyes Aedan could see clearly. He looked down and away from her. 

“Get out.”

Aedan got up and left without another word. 

XVXVXVXV

Erlina hurried through the estate careful not to be seen. She had been searching for information on the Cousland girl, trying to find out how she was, if she had woken up yet. Her mistress had been so careful not to be anywhere near where the girl had been kept. The only way she could know of Queen Anora's involvement in any of this is if that bastard shem, Howe, didn’t keep his mouth shut. Which he evidently hadn’t been able to do. And now not only did the girl know, but she had been rescued and was now free to tell her brother everything she knew. 

‘What all had Howe told her?’ 

She had never understood his fascination with the girl, why he had insisted on keeping her. He should have just killed her when he took the castle. 

As she rounded the corner, Erlina had to take a step back when she heard voices coming from down the hallway. It was the Warden’s Orlesian lover and the Theirin bastard. She tried to make out what they were saying as they walked past, but they were speaking too low. She thought about following them, but knew she was not that stealthy, and so, she waited for them to pass and walk out of view before she hurried on her way. It was late but she knew her mistress would be waiting on her to report what she had found out- even if it was nothing. The handmaiden sighed and continued on her way, knocking lightly on the door as she reached her destination. Without waiting for a reply, she slipped into the room. 

Anora sat in a chair in front of the fire, her blonde hair down as she sat wrapped in a blanket. She looked up as the elf entered, a smile coming to her usually passive face. Erlina had been with her for a long time, before she came to Denerim to become Queen. 

“Come and sit. Bring us something to drink and tell me what you have found out.”

Anora’s kept the smile on her face, but Erlina could see the rage burning behind her eyes. No one was supposed to know of her involvement, she was to be blameless and above reproach. That was the only way to retain her throne. 

Anora had worked long and hard to get and keep her place. She would be damned if some little witch who should have been dealt with long ago would ruin all that she had worked for. Erlina filled a couple of goblets with wine and went to sit by the hearth. She handed Anora her glass as she sat down. 

“There is not much to tell at the moment I’m afraid. The Warden’s companion has been healing her. There has only been one servant allowed into her room. I was able to speak with her, but she said that the girl didn’t speak, that she was awake but just stared down at her hands. In the morning, I will get with a few of the servants and have them keep me informed of what they find out,“ she paused to take a sip of her wine. “What would you have me do mistress?”

Anora stared into the fire. “We eliminate the threat. Alissa Cousland won’t live to be able tell anyone what she knows.” 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning! I hope everyone has had a great week.  
> I know I said I would have the updated first chapters up this past week and it didn't happen. I'm sorry yall. But they are done, just need to that final editing. I'm sorry for the delay but they'll be up either end of today or tomorrow. But I am proud of myself for getting those done and getting this new chapter out for you.  
> I'm excited to introduce Teagan this chapter, and I really hope you like this take on him. I have always like him, even in his cranky Inquisition role. Lol  
> Thank you all for staying with me this far, I hope you will enjoy reading this as much as I am writing it. I hope you all have a great week and I'll see you next Wednesday. Til next time lovelies!!

The morning light streamed through the windows as the Warden and his companions met in the dining room to break their fast. All were quiet as they sat eating, only the sounds of clinking silverware and the shuffling of servants’ feet disturbing the thoughtful silence.   
“How is your sister?” Alistair asked, breaking the silence.

“She is better. She ate some soup last night. She is beaten and bruised; her throat is so swollen it’s hard to understand her. But she will get better, I can get her back from this. Whatever horrible things she’s been through, I will help her deal with them.” The words rushed out of him. He was trying to find something to help with this soul crushing guilt. ‘My fault, my fault, my fault.’ Changing the subject, Aedan began their morning briefing. 

“We have a meeting after this with Arl Eamon. Before we go I want to plan out how were going to get everything we need to win this Landsmeet.” Aedan looked around the table as he spoke. “But first let’s talk about what we learned yesterday. Leli, you found Bann Alfstanna last night?”  
Leliana smiled at him before answering, “Yes, she was in The Gnawed Noble Tavern. I told her I came with a message from you. I gave her Irminric's ring and explained what happened and that he wouldn’t leave his cell. I also apologized for your not bringing it to her yourself, as you were taken to Fort Drakon after freeing her brother and some more innocents from Howe’s clutches. She wanted me to give her thanks and to let you know that if there was anything you needed just to let you know.”   
“As sly as always, my love.” Aedan smiled back at her, though she could see it was forced. “Is there anything else?”   
“Yes, Bann Sighard was also there. He overheard my talk with Alfstanna- surely I must learn to be quieter- and he came over to thank us for rescuing his son, Oswyn. He insisted on a reward that I most graciously accepted. I believe both you and Alistair should make an appearance there this evening. Talk to the arriving nobility.” Leliana was proud of her work, the seeds she had sown will would hopefully come to fruition at the Landsmeet. 

Leli then nodded to Zevran, already knowing he had some important information of his own.   
“I believe the Queen has a mouse. Scurrying and hiding in the halls. That handmaiden of hers has been asking questions about your sister. Leli and I saw her trying to hide in one of the halls when we were walking by. She’s not nearly as sneaky as she thinks she is. She has been trying to get the servants to tell her what they can about us and to get as much information about your sister as they can. Whatever your sister knows, the Queen does not want that information getting out.” 

Sten spoke up before Zevran could continue. “I will guard her for you. No harm shall come to her while I am on watch.”   
Aedan nodded at him, his appreciation clear in his features.   
“Without knowing more, I believe it would be wise to keep someone we trust to stay with your sister and protect her. I would volunteer myself or course, but I would like to look into Erlina myself. I have already gotten a few of the estates servants to come to me before they say anything to her.” Zev continued, then gave everyone at the table an overly exaggerated wink. “There is another matter that has been brought to my attention during my, shall we say questioning last evening? There seems to be something going on in the alienage, besides what the crown would have us believe. I do not know what is going on, but I’ve been told that there is some sickness, it’s the reason for the alienage being closed, as well as whispers that that elves have been disappearing.” 

Aedan sighed, his shoulders slumping, he looked around the table, he noticed Alistair looking at his plate with a look of concern on his. “Alistair, what’s wrong?”  
The Warden in question looked up guiltily.  
“Anora has requested a private netting with me after we meet with Eamon. I already know what she wants. Even I’m not stupid enough to not see through the flowery words.” Morrigan scoffed from her seat away from the others. “She wants to marry me, solidify her place on the throne.” 

Everyone looked at Alistair shocked. “That means Anora does know you are King Maric’s son. And if Anora knows, then so does her father,” Aedan sighed. “Makers breath, what is going on?!” 

Leliana placed her hand on his arm and spoke softly, “We’ll figure this out. We start with what we know and work to find out more.” 

Aedan smiled at her, her calming voice always helped him to relax and he felt he was wound too tight; almost as if he would explode at any moment. “Thank you Leli. Ok here’s what we are going to do. Sten, Wynne stay with Alissa, no one comes in without permission. Zevran see if there is anything else you can find out, meet us in my room after our meeting with Riordan. Oghren and Morrigan, go to the market place and see about supplies. Our orders should be ready at Herrens. Leli watch and listen.” Around the table they all nodded returning to their breakfasts. 

XVXVXVXVXV

Alissa had slept fitfully, dreams and memories haunting her sleep. She struggled into a sitting position and looked around the room. It was large to her, seeming even bigger than it was. There was a fireplace on the opposite wall burning brightly. There was a sidebar along the right side where the food from last night had been; someone must have come in during the night and taken care of things.   
She looked down at her hands. They were swollen, her fingers bent oddly. She could see the marks still embedded in her wrists, the scars from straining against her manacles as she struggled and fought against her captors, or just trying to get away from what ever they were doing to her. 

‘What am I supposed to do now? Who am I supposed to be? I’m worthless now. Wrecked and destroyed.’ Tears blurred her eyes as she wondered why she should even still live. She would never be the same again, she felt like she had been torn apart and put back together, but the pieces were in the wrong places. She grabbed a hold of herself as if trying to keep herself together- fearing that if she let go, she would fall apart. 

She curled into herself as much as she could, her sobs hoarse and ragged. ‘I’m nothing. There’s nothing left, he should have just let me die! I don’t want to be anymore. Nothing, I’m nothing.’ Her breathing becoming shallow as the panic rose up. 'I just want to die.’ 

She heard the door open and was seized with fear. She could no longer breathe. Believing the rescue was a dream she tried to lash out, but failed falling to the floor. She felt hands on hers and flinched away. A soothing wave settled over her and she felt herself relax. 

“Shh, you’re safe. I will not harm you.” 

Alissa knew that voice. It was a woman, a mage. “You’re safe. I will not harm you.” 

Alissa relaxed as the woman repeated her words. Slowly she stopped shaking and Alissa realized she was not on the floor of her cell, but still in the room she had slept in last night. The images receded and her terror ebbed away. 

“Thank you. I am better now.” Alissa said as she tried to get up. The white haired mage helped her to her feet and back to bed. “Who are you?” Alissa’s voice sounding more raw. 

“I am Wynne, Senior Enchanter of Kinloch Hold and companion to your brother.” Wynne told her. 

“Yes, my dear brother. Who left me to rot in Howe’s hands, while he went traipsing across the country, falling in love and becoming such a great hero.” Alissa croaked out. “He didn’t even check did he? To see if I was alive or not!” She tried yelling, cursing him to the Maker. 

“You are hurt child, please try not to talk. I’ve had some broth brought up for you to eat. Once the swelling has gone down and you have gotten used to regular intake of food, we will move up to something with more substance.” Wynne said matter of factly. “We must discuss your condition. From my examination and healing, I know there is a pretty bad infection on one of your wounds. I have begun healing it, but it has spread to your blood. I believe that with continued healing and some potions you can beat it. As I’m sure you already know some of your bones did not heal correctly. I can fix that, but it will require me to rebreak the bones and getting them set correctly.” Wynne eyes her carefully. “Do you understand what that would mean?”  
Alissa nodded and raised her hands, “What about my hands?” 

“I’m afraid there is too much damage. To try that would only serve to damage them more. I am sorry.” The white haired mage told her softly. 

“When do you want to do this?” Alissa asked quietly.

“The sooner we can get it done, the better it will be for overall healing and regaining your strength. I will be able to set the bones today and you will need to stay in bed for the rest of the day. I have a treatment schedule ready, and I will evaluate how you are coming along each day.”

“Very well.” Alissa said.  
“First you will eat, then I will gather everything I need and get some assistance.” Wynne said as she stood up. “Be ready in two hours.” 

XVXVXVXVXV

As the walls of Denerim came into view, Arl Teagan Guerrin let out a sigh of relief. He and the men with him had broken camp early that morning, knowing the city was just a few hours away. Teagan looked to a soldier riding beside him. “Ride ahead and let my brother know of our arrival.”

“Yes my Lord.” The soldier gave a quick salute and urged his horse faster. 

Teagan watched the soldier go- his mind exhausted. In truth, they had left so early this morning because he couldn’t sleep. The desire demon who had possessed Connor may have been dead, but his time in its clutches still weighed on his mind. The things it had made him do, what it showed him, haunted him still. 

He hoped that getting away from Redcliffe and coming to Denerim would help rid him of his nightmares, help to relax and ease his mind of the monstrosities that happened in the castle. He knew he had to go back- he was the Bann- but currently, the idea sickened him. 

Teagan became so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t realize they had reached the city until they were riding through the gates of the estate. He looked up to the entrance and saw his brother there with a calm smile on his face, but his eyes looked concerned as he took Teagan in. 

'I don’t think I look that bad.’ He knew he had lost some weight, and he probably looked tired, but he was sure he had hidden how he was really feeling deep enough. “Good morning Eamon, I trust you are well?”

“Yes feeling better everyday. Come, let’s get you some breakfast. I have more news on what we are facing.” Eamon looked down at his brother. “We can talk while you eat.” Eamon led his brother inside, worried at what had his brother looking so broken. Whatever it was, Eamon wouldn’t let his little brother deal with it alone. 


End file.
